Love

Three years ago, Brian and I found out we were pregnant with what we thought would be our second baby. Within a week's time, we saw our precious child in a sonogram picture, and then learned that we had miscarried. What a devastating time. Memories of that time have been flooding my mind lately, and I am not sure why. I'm not usually very big on "anniversaries" of this type, but I can't help but feel that I need to "voice" my thoughts about all these thoughts that keep swimming in my head.

My heart is heavy. I know women every day experience what I did three years ago. Some similar, some more devastating. I have learned of so many recently who carried their babies further through their pregnancy and then miscarried, and several who have delivered their children, only to bury them soon after. Life seems so unfair in many ways; but even more frustrating when it involves children. We want to find an explanation for why these types of things occur, and the fact is, we may never know. I heard a preacher recently speak on this idea. He said something to the effect of, we hope that one day when we get to heaven, we'll be able to ask God why this happened, or why that didn't happen, and the fact is, when we get to heaven, it won't be on our minds to ask. He referenced a verse, and forgive me for not knowing it, yet still speaking to it, where God says, you think you know the depths of me, but you really don't. It was in that moment that I believe the Holy Spirit revealed to me that I am o.k. with not having an explanation for why our child didn't live. I'm o.k. with knowing that our baby is in the arms of our Creator, hearing the sweetest lullaby ever sung by the ultimate songwriter. There must truly be an awesome nursery of sorts in heaven. One I can't even imagine. Aren't capable of imagining.

Today we signed up to sponsor a child at our church through Gospel for Asia. She's a sweet girl, 14 years old. And while I will never comprehend the understanding my precious six year old has of this world, the things she says are truly remarkable. In the car on our way to her soccer game this afternoon she said to me, "Mommy, I'm so excited that we are helping this girl in India. It's like I have another sister. You know, you have two kids, me and Levi - and then one baby in heaven with Jesus. . .but this is like another one."

To our God, we are all his children. Blessings. Truly. Life is precious. It's numbered, and only God knows the numbers assigned to us. But, as our pastor is preaching on in Genesis, he desires us. He seeks us out. He wants to know us, intimately. And we fight him or ignore him, for what? Because we're hurt, because we're selfish - we want things our way, because we just don't think we have the time? Today we heard from a man who works for Gospel for Asia. He talked about how we need to become like children in order to enter into the Kingdom. He explained how much God LOVES children, and wants to take care of them. I know, without a shadow of a doubt that the baby I didn't get to hold is being lovingly held by Him. And I'm in love with that thought. I know He understands the thoughts I have, the hurt I still have, and he cares.

Since Jesus came into my heart. . .

For the past several months, Mackenzi has really been understanding more and more what it means to make a decision to ask Jesus into her heart. She has asked more in depth questions here and there and with the passing of her great-grandmother, she really started grasping the whole picture. At least as it pertained to her five year old, nearly six year old mind.

Tonight I was in my room and she walked in and began asking me questions. She and I both aren't sure what questions she began with, but she told me that she didn't want to live with the "debil" when she died. She said with confidence that she wanted to live with Jesus when she died. She said that she knows that he died on the cross to save her of her sins. When I asked her what "sin" was, she said, "when you do bad things." And then she quickly followed up with, "But, sometimes when you do do bad things, you have to ask Jesus 'will you forgive me?' And he will!" As I continued to ask her questions, and allow her to just talk to me, it became very apparent that tonight was the night.

In the past, she has asked me and Brian specifically to tell her how to ask Jesus into her heart. And, it wasn't that we weren't wanting her to, we just wanted to be sure that we weren't coercing her, but letting the Spirit lead her.

As we were talking, she also shared with me a very profound thought and also assured me that she had a clear understanding of our conversation. She said, "Mom, when I was like two years old, I didn't want Jesus to be in my heart because I thought it meant that I would die real quick. But, now I know that I can have Jesus in my heart, and it doesn't mean that I'll die; it just means that when I do die, I'll live with him in heaven." Woah. That just blew me away.

She asked me what she needed to pray to have Jesus come into her heart. I told her that the answer was in the Bible. So, we opened up our Bibles (she had hers that she got for Christmas) and I read through the Romans Road. Romans 3:23, Romans 6:23; Romans 5:8; Romans 10:9-10; and Romans 10:13. She told me that she knew that Jesus had died on the cross to save us of our sins, but that He isn't on the cross anymore, he rose and is in heaven. Then she said, "Mom, it's kinda confusing, but God and Jesus are the same. You can say God or you can say Jesus."

Brian got home from work and I asked Kenzi to tell him what she had shared with me. With the sweetest twinkle in her eye, she said, "Daddy, I want to ask Jesus to come into my heart." Then, after a series of questions from him, he soon realized that she in deed did understand what she was talking about. Fully. He asked her if she wanted to pray right then, and she said, "Um, no, I want to pray later." So, in an effort to not push the situation, we waited until we usually pray together at dinnertime. He explained to her that she didn't have to wait, that she could pray anytime she wanted, and she just looked at him and said, "I know, Dad!"

So, right before dinner, she started asking Brian and I what she needed to pray. She got a little nervous, and kept asking us to repeat what it was she needed to say. Then we both told her that it was between her and God; all she needed to do was ask. . .and with the sweetest, little six year old voice, she prayed to receive Christ. Tears fill my eyes just remembering the feeling of holding her hand, knowing that her life, as well as mine, was bought and paid for with the crucifixion of our Lord. What an incredible blessing it was being a part of this.

"That if you confess with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord,' and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved." "Everyone who calls upon the name of the Lord will be saved." (Romans 10:9,13)

Newman. . .

We got our dog when he was just a little over 6 weeks old. His mom, a jack russell with papers. . .and his dad, a yellow lab with papers. . .how these two made four little puppies is beyond us. . .but, Newman has been a good dog. This past April he turned 7. He has been wonderful with our children thus far. . .when Kenzi was a baby, we were so thankful to have Newman around to entertain her, and to distract her as well. . .we haven't had to do that as much with Levi because Mackenzi interests Levi very much. . .but in the past month or so, Levi has become very amused by Newman. The other day we were out back and Levi found himself another bottle (of course!) and was trying to put the lid on it. I started talking to him, and then asked him to repeat Newman's name. It was hilarious. . .and you may have to listen to it a few times, but it really sounds like he says "Newman!"

Levi

Levi has become very interested in seeing how things work. . .how they're put together. . .and here he is outside on the back porch (his new favorite place to be) trying to put the lid on this water bottle. It was so funny watching him, and so I had to video tape him and share it!

Family Photos 2009

Mackenzi is 6!

Mackenzi has had a wonderful birthday! On May 28th, she turned 6 years old! I can't even believe how she's grown in the past 6 years! She is truly a blessing from God! We're so thankful for her sweet spirit and her loving personality! She's a very caring, compassionate, and special girl. Happy Birthday, sweetheart! Here's just a tiny glimpse of a video of the fun she has had as she's turned 6.

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

From the mind of an almost 6 year old. . .

I want to brag on my little princess. This past week, she experienced her first death in the family. Brian's grandmother, Neva Lou Kreymer, went to be with the Lord on May 20, 2009. She celebrated her 98th birthday this past April.

A couple of weeks ago, she had a heart attack and went to the hospital. We took Mackenzi and spent time with Mamaw. She came home, and we were able to visit with her on Mother's Day as well. Over the course of the past several weeks, we have talked with Mackenzi on the process of dying, and have used this as an opportunity to also talk with her about our Salvation. Sometimes you never really know how things are sinking in with an almost 6 year old mind. When we got the call that Mamaw had passed away, I told Mackenzi that Mamaw had gone to be with the Lord. She looked at me, and seemed a bit puzzled, and then said, "So, my neighbor can't come over." And sort of walked off. I didn't push the point with her, she was right. She knew that it meant we'd be going out of town.



We got to Wylie that evening and spent time with all the family. It was a good time, and over the course of the next couple of days leading up the funeral, she asked a few questions at different times. The day after Mamaw passed away, I took Mackenzi and Levi to Arby's in town and then on to the park in Wylie. Mackenzi prayed for our lunch and said, "Dear Lord, I hope Mamaw has had a good day with you. Please take care of her. Please take care of her. Amen." When she looked up at me, I had tears in my eyes, and she started crying. It was the first time for her to show tears since knowing about Mamaw. She climbed in my lap and cried, and then pointed out the window to the sky and said, "That's where Mamaw lives now, with God. The clouds are her home." Then she asked me if Mamaw wore clothes when she went to Heaven. I told her no, that Mamaw didn't need any clothes. And she looked at me, again puzzled and asked, "Is Mamaw naked in Heaven?"



The next night was the viewing. Before we left the house, we explained to Mackenzi that she would see Mamaw's body, but that she would not be living. We tried out best to help her understand the process that we go through when someone dies. She seemed to handle seeing her that night at the viewing. Later after we got home, she was walking around with a piece of paper in her hand and a yellow highlighter. I asked her what she was doing, and she said, "I'm going to write a letter for Mamaw to go in that box with her." I asked her, "What are you writing?" She said, "Just a letter." And then she showed me that she had already written, "I love you Mamaw." She asked if I would help her get some of the "sight" words down because she didn't know how to spell some words. She composed this letter. . .

I love you Mamaw. I hope you have a great day Mamaw. I know your body is in here, but you are really in heaven.

Pepaw was reading in his bed, and we were sitting in the hallway outside of his room. He heard Mackenzi writing this letter and asked her if she would read it at the funeral. She said yes right away. She wanted to practice reading what she had written, and so she did. . .that night and also the next morning. We got to the graveside where the funeral was, and Mackenzi told me after seeing all the people who had come that she didn't want to read it anymore. I told her that was o.k. but then she went to stand next to Pepaw. After hearing her Pepaw speak, daddy, Uncle Hilly, and Uncle Phillip, she bravely read her letter. She spoke loud enough for all to hear, and read her letter without a mistake. I was so proud of her. What a precious little girl she is. God is working in her, without a doubt.

Kenzi the MONKEY!!

Kenzi has tried to get across these rings for several years! She was so proud of herself, and so was I! Go Kenzi!!

Levi's on the MOVE!!

Fort Worth Stock Show and Rodeo

We decided to go to Fort Worth this past weekend to see the Stock Show and Rodeo. I had heard on the radio that there would be the parade in Downtown and thought it would be a lot of fun. We had Kenzi's friend over from the night before with her first sleepover and so she went with us too. We arrived in Downtown and got parked, and walked about two blocks to the parade. We didn't have front row seating, but it wasn't too bad. The girls were able to stand in front of a couple of ladies and see things pretty close up. It was exciting to see the bands, animals, cowboys and those sponsoring the parade. It got pretty windy and a little chilly, so after about an hour or so, we headed on to the stockyards.

The first thing we saw was the petting zoo. I hadn't planned to take Levi in there, but thought I would just stand at the gate and take pictures of the girls and Brian. But, as we waited in line, Levi became so excited by seeing the animals that I knew I had to go inside with him too. We bought food to feed the animals and they gave it to us in these ice cream cones. The goats really enjoyed being fed and tried to take the food right out of your hand. There were little babies inside also and Levi got to feed a couple of them. It was a lot of fun.