Goodness. . .two blogs in one week. . .I'm not sure what that's indicative of. . .I've spent more time on my computer the past couple of days, I guess. Nothing more than that.
Last night I worked on Levi's baby book. There were some pages that I really liked about Mackenzi's baby book, and so I've managed to create them for Levi's book. It's made me feel better about his book. I love it - don't get me wrong, but I know that I want my kids' baby books to tell a story for them. One of the pages I've included is how mommy and daddy met. I wrote it when I did Mackenzi's book, and just basically copied it for Levi's book. There are things about Brian and I meeting that I had forgotten. I was a little frustrated about that fact. As time grows on - some of the details of our memories fade, I guess. Which is all the more reason I want them recorded, especially for our children. It's so important in this day and age for them to know and see how our love for each other began and grew in the Lord through our wedding day and each day we are together. So, now that I have the pages created, I just need to print them, and put them in the book. There are some where I'll need to write things in - and as crazy as this sounds, I can't find the "right" pen/marker. It seems like that was much more available when I had Mackenzi, but I've been to many stores and can't find the right one. I want to be as consistent with it as I can, but goodness. . .I just need a good pen. I was hoping to go to Hobby Lobby today, but didn't get there.
Another thing I've been feeling this week is some anxiety toward my delivery. At the top of the blog is a ticker for the time remaining until my due date. Just 12 weeks and 1 day - it's amazing to me how this little one is growing inside of me. I don't think that feeling will ever change - I felt it with Mackenzi and I feel it with Levi. I guess, though, because I have experienced a miscarriage, and I've seen how God's plan was different for that baby than for Mackenzi and Levi, I have a tainted view of things. I have that fear that wells up inside of me and it takes a concerted effort for me to really work to play that down. And at the same time, it's frustrating for me to feel that fear, so then I get upset with myself. It's a terrible cycle that has lasted throughout this pregnancy. There is such a joy in feeling this baby move and roll and slide under my pelvic bone that I know it's all going to be fine. God has a plan. People have babies all the time. Women are in labor all the time.
Mackenzi's playing in Levi's room right now. Our computer is still currently in his room as well, so that's where we are. I hear her reciting scripture as she's playing with her babies - pretending to be at school or church, I don't know specifically because I don't want to disturb her, or make her aware that I hear her. She'll get embarrassed - but what an encouragement. As I'm writing about my fears, she's speaking of fearing no evil, for Thou art with her, His rod and staff they comfort her. Then she's saying, "Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven."
Mom and I were talking yesterday about the awesome privilege it is to bring up our children to know and hear of the Lord. Mackenzi has a great interest in knowing what God desires of her and following what he commands. We love our church, Rockway. She, along with us, have developed wonderful friends there, and I know Levi already is loved by them. They have prayed with us, and the girls in my Bible study rejoiced with us when we found out we were pregnant. One day in church Kyle, our community pastor, was talking about our church as a community - and tears flooded my eyes as I realized that this little boy inside of me is God's child. Not mine, I'm just the carrier of him. The mother of him. . .the one designated to lead and guide him to do God's will. That's why he's growing inside of me. To serve our God. I also realized how much Rockway has played a part in this pregnancy - and will play a part in his growing up there - just as Mackenzi has. She is so comfortable there, and loves her Sunday School teacher and those who work with her in her class. In August when we have promotion Sunday, she'll move on up into Kids Rock. I can already see the molding that is taking place inside of her heart and her mind. She has learned so much about Jesus this past year. She inquires, she is retaining, and she's repeating. I pray so intensely that she will carry this love she has all of her life. She's a strong girl - we've known that from day one - and she has the potential to lead others. She showed it today on the soccer field. One of the little girls is new to playing, and Mackenzi took it upon herself to explain which way they were going for that quarter. She pointed out her goal. She pointed out which way they needed to be looking and running.
I pray for Levi too - that he'll be strong like she is. According to the birth order book, we are technically starting out with a first child again - five years will have elapsed between Mackenzi and Levi - While I know how difficult it was with a strong willed one, especially that first year - I know the payoffs that are involved as well. I just pray that Brian and I will be the parents that God has designed us to be for these two little ones.
Sorry to be so long winded this time. . .maybe I'll get my camera fixed so I can start adding pictures of my belly again. I'd love to add some of Levi's room that we've started on as well. I hate that my camera has broken in the middle of this. Until next time. . .
