New Life. . .

The past month has been very exciting and tiring at the same time. I have been extremely exhausted, due to the new life that's growing inside of me, and haven't kept up with my blog all month. My routine lately has been to go to work, come home, go to bed. And the weekends have consisted of me laying around, resting the whole time. A couple of weeks ago, we went to Spring to see my parents and I kept telling my mom that I felt like I was drugged - just too tired to get off her couch.

This past Monday was my first doctor's appointment. Things have changed since I was pregnant with Mackenzi - then I went in immediately after discovering I was pregnant through a home test, the doctor's office confirmed my pregnancy through a blood test, and then at 6 weeks I had my first appointment to hear the baby's heartbeat. . .then I went from there. However, now, they basically say that home tests are accurate, and they just schedule an appointment for 8 weeks. I was pretty anxious as is to be expected for this appointment that was on Monday. Sunday, specifically, I struggled all day with the fear I was experiencing. Brian wasn't going to be able to go with me, but then near the end of last week, he managed to work it out so he could be there. I was grateful for that! He met me there as I was being called back. We had a different sonogram technician (and I was secretly glad for that difference). When the baby came up on the monitor and the technician pointed out the heartbeat right away, I lost it. I was shaking fiercely. . .and then she made it so we could hear the heartbeat, and it just really was incredible. I finally stopped crying and was able to see the screen. She gave us 3 pictures of the baby and although the baby is still so small, with the magnified picture, you can see the outline of the baby's head, arms, legs, and the heart. It's more than incredible. I couldn't stop praising God, and still can't! I'm so thankful for the life growing inside of me.

The rest of my visit went smoothly as I was able to see Dr. Finke. Then I headed on into work. . .and over the next couple of days, it became so clear to me that I was more fearful before the appointment than I even realized. Just in the last few days, I've had more energy (although I'm still completely spent by the afternoon/evening), but there's motivation now that wasn't there before. There's a joy that I feel knowing that the baby is doing just fine.

I'm so thankful to know of the many people who have lifted us up in prayer. A friend of mine told me the other day that she pictured me like the character on Peanuts who has the cloud over their head. . .and said that for me, it's like she sees this cloud of prayer covering me and my baby growing inside me. . .and I truly believe that. God is the ultimate designer of my life. There's no understanding what happened a year ago - and there's no explanation as to why this baby will likely survive. . .what has become very clear to me is that whether here or in heaven, my children belong to God. They are His from the beginning and throughout. What I prayed specifically for this time is that He will let me hold this one, and raise him/her to love Him. I'm so thankful for all the support that I have received. I don't know how people don't feel community and don't have support for times like this. I pray that I seize the opportunity to partake in supporting other people going through difficult times. . .to return the love that I've felt.

This baby is loved. By me and all those praying, including one little 4 1/2 year old girl who can't wait to love on her baby brother or sister.